Self Defense for Women: Part 4 Types of Attacks
ACQUAINTANCE RAPE
70% rapes and sexual assaults against women are committed by intimates, friends, or acquaintances. (Bureau of JusticeStatistics,U.S.Department of Justice, 2004)
However, the word acquaintance describes a wide range of relationships. A person you see on the subway or bus once a week and exchange hellos with is an acquaintance. A man who regularly cleans your gutters is an acquaintance. So is a good friend or fellow employee. Because acquaintances include relationships with various degrees of intimacy, it can be difficult to recognize a potential attack and respond appropriately. If you feel that an assault is going to take place or has already begun, think about what you know of this person. If you know him well, you may be uncomfortable being assertive and direct, but this is absolutely necessary to understand his intentions and his resolve in carrying them out. If you do not know him well, carefully watch his response to your actions and words. Again, trust your intuition. Even if you barely know him, you know something. Use what you know about him to your advantage. Information is power.
In a dating situation, it can be difficult to recognize danger. The rule of thumb is to know where your personal boundaries are before you go on a date. When you are clear about these things, make a pact with yourself to stand by them. If you know your limits before you are in an intimate situation, you can more easily identify danger.
Acquaintance rape usually involves entrapment. The rapist manipulates his prey into an area in which she is alone with him and where he is not likely to be discovered. It is also a situation in which she is not likely to be believed.
- Do not allow yourself to be alone with anyone, unless you know him well enough to trust him implicitly.
- Trust your intuition. If you sense something is wrong, it is. Act on that gut feeling and get out of a potentially dangerous situation.
- Communicate clearly. In communicating with another person, make sure that your verbal and nonverbal messages don’t contradict each other. If you say No, you must say it three ways. Say No with your eyes, voice, and body language.
Other helpful hints to avoid date rape:
- Meet in a public place.
- Provide your own transportation.
- Don’t abuse alcohol or drugs. They can inhibit your judgment.
- Ask questions; listen to and analyze what your date means or implies as well as what he says.
- If you are uncomfortable, end the date and leave.
If you are aware of the potential of certain character traits to predispose a man toward sexual violence and abuse of his partner, you can screen out these men before you get too involved with them. Look for these signs:
- Does he anger easily and overreact to little frustrations, lashing out at people and things?
- Does he exhibit wild mood swings—charming and up one moment, nasty and down the next?
- Does he brood over slights, carry grudges, and glare when someone irritates him?
- Is his language hostile or contemptuous when referring to women in general or you in particular?
- Is he selfish and insensitive, disregarding your feelings or beliefs, or belittling your ideas?
- Is he controlling of all aspects of your behavior, telling you how to act, dress, or think?
- Is he extremely possessive and jealous?
- Does he ever get “too physical” with you?
- Does he expect to get what he wants and bend others to his will?
- Is he a drug or alcohol abuser?
STRANGER RAPE
Some rapists plan ahead and may target several women in the same neighborhood. Others are opportunists looking for vulnerable women to attack. In either case, the rapist does not want to be interrupted or caught so he is likely to choose remote or deserted areas, outside or in easily accessible homes with lone occupants. The steps you can take for home and car security as well as personal safety in your everyday activities can also help safeguard you against sexual assault by a stranger.
Safe behaviors need to be reinforced in all women. Women are particularly vulnerable to surprise attack through lack of awareness or a failure to trust their instincts. They should be cautious of potentially dangerous situations and not charge ahead because of a misplaced sense of bravado.
Self Defense for Women: Part 3 Sexual Assault Misconceptions & Reality
The following is a list of common stereotypes about sexual assault and battering, and the facts that are obscured by these misconceptions. Understanding this information allows us to act realistically to protect and defend ourselves.
MISCONCEPTION
Rape happens only to certain types of women.
REALITY
Any woman—of any age, race, class, religion, occupation, physical ability, sexual preference or appearance—might experience rape. Babies as young as 4 months and 92 year old women have been raped; women of every physical description have been raped; women from every cultural group in society have been raped. Simply being female puts us all at risk.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Since rape can happen to any woman, understand that it is not the survivor’s fault. Avoid the false sense of security that comes from believing it could only happen to someone else.
MISCONCEPTION
Most rapes occur as a spur of the moment act in a dark alley by a stranger.
REALITY
Rapes often occur in the survivor’s home, or in public places such as parking structures. They are as likely to occur during the day as at night. Very often the assailant is not a stranger, but a relative, friend, neighbor, or other acquaintance. Rapes are rarely spontaneous; they are usually carefully planned, and most rapists will assault again and again, generally in the same area of town and in the same manner.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Understand that practicing awareness of my environment and of other people at all times is an important part of self-protection.
MISCONCEPTION
Rape is exclusively a sexual act, and is therefore nonviolent.
REALITY
Rape is a violent crime that is acted out, in part, sexually. Some rapists carry weapons; most threaten their victims with violence.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Since rape is an act of violence, it is important to consider your right to defend yourself against it the same way you would against any other violent attack.
MISCONCEPTION
A rapist is easy to spot in a crowd.
REALITY
There is nothing about the appearance of a rapist that distinguishes him from other men. According to several studies, there is very little that sets him apart psychologically, either. He can be of any age, race, color, marital status, or class.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Any preconceived ideas about how a rapist looks or acts are not useful to you. You should respond to each person as an individual, and trust your intuition.
MISCONCEPTION
Most rapes are interracial.
REALITY
The overwhelming majority of rapes (more than nine out of ten) involve persons of the same race or culture.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Avoiding men of certain races does not make you any safer. Again, each person deserves to be treated as a unique individual, not a stereotype.
MISCONCEPTION
Women are “asking for it” by their dress or actions.
REALITY
Rape is a vicious crime. There is no behavior or appearance to which rape is the appropriate response. It makes as much sense to say that people are asking to be robbed because they are carrying money in their pockets. Rape is the responsibility of the rapist, not the victim.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Recognize that this kind of attitude is a form of “blaming the victim” which causes a great deal of pain and keeps women divided from each other. We can all work together to insist that rape be treated like the crime it is.
MISCONCEPTION
It is not really possible to rape a non-consenting adult.
REALITY
It is indeed possible to rape a non-consenting adult. Fear of death, threats of violence, or physical brutality can make it impossible for anyone, including men, to successfully fend off an assault.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Know that you are not as likely to be immobilized by fear if you are aware of your options for defending yourself. At the same time, recognize that submitting can sometimes be an important form of self-protection, not a reason for guilt.
MISCONCEPTION
False accusations of rape are common.
REALITY
There are conflicting studies regarding the percentage of false claims. A 1975 book, Against Our Will by Susan Brownmiller, claimed that only 2% of accusations were false, based on a trend she noted inNew York City. This same percentage appeared in legislation known as the Violence Against Women Act. However, examination of this research reveals that there is no solid basis for it. An FBI study suggests that 9% of claims are “unfounded” – in other words, dismissed without charges being filed.
On the other hand, Purdue University Professor Eugene J. Kanin published a study in 1991 based on 109 rape complaints in a Midwestern city from 1978 to 1987. That study found that 41% of claims were false; his statistics were backed up by similar studies on two college campuses. An Air Force Office of Special Investigations study suggests that 27% of claims may be false. and a DNA study conducted by the FBI finds that 26% of accusations are made against the wrong subject.
While we should be aware of these statistics, we should NOT be afraid to confront our aggressors. You have a right to protect yourself and a right to see justice served. That begins with your report of a crime to the police.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
We should believe and support each other, remembering that going through the court system after an assault is an act of courage and caring for other women.
MISCONCEPTION
There is no way to protect yourself against sexual assault.
REALITY
It has been shown time and time again that awareness, assertiveness, and physical techniques can greatly reduce the risk of assault. If an assault does occur, they can be successful strategies for self-defense.
PRODUCTIVE THINKING
Take protection into your own hands, continue to develop your understanding and skills, and create a greater sense of self-confidence in your life.
